So 9 weeks in and the Chiefs are still unbeaten, and the Bucs and Jags are now 2 games clear at the foot of the toilet bowl. The Bucs flirted with the W last week, unbelievably, starting out all gung-ho and emptying out the playbook in the first half. Then once they were 21-0 ahead and could actually win, they reverted to type and their old conservative ways; once again half-time meant the opposing team out-coached our staff by making better adjustments, and we collapsed to a slow, inevitable and painful defeat.

Time for the rundown now and a look at what went on across the board as I lean over and grab the envelope from the leader - "Kathryn, drum roll please ....."

Dolphins 22 Bengals 20
The Bengals lost star DT Geno Atkins and a ton of respect around the league for dropping this one. Though Gio Bernard came out to play, Andy Dalton - realising The Cosmic Clap were depending on him - decided not to throw for any scores despite an all-star cast of receivers, unless you count the pick 6 to Brent Grimes. The Dolphins, a current poster-franchise for turmoil bettered only by the Bucs & Jags, won this on the back of their defense to level their record at 4-4. Amazing to think they have won 4 games and the Bucs 0, when you look at the talent pool at each team's disposal.

Panthers 34 Falcons 10
The NFL's new top Vulture RB Mike Tolbert barrelled in again, and Cam Newton and the Panthers Defense did the rest, against a Falcons team as limp as the brew your grandma makes you. Shorn of his top weapons Matt Ryan is basically just a guy now, and no-ones afraid at all. Cam Newton seems to have matured a lot this season & has stopped the dumb throws, and learned that every play doesn't have to be a bionic one. I still hate that Carolina mascot Sir Purr.

Cowboys 27 Vikings 23
Romo's last gasp TD winner - yes you did read that the right way around - saved his Cowboys and our General Custer competition as well. With Demarco Murray back in situ, and the stress showing on Jerry Jones 47th facelift, the Cowboys just got the W and kept their noses and large ego's atop the NFC East. The Vikings may lead the NFL in nearly wins this season, with AP adding another highlight reel run to throw on his personal pile. Josh Freeman has gone from Bucs third string to Vikings third string in the space of 6 weeks.

Jets 26 Saints 20
Good Geno, good good Geno. Playing error free ball, and running in a TD himself, the Jet rookie allowed his defense to win this one and what a job they did. Limiting that Saints offense to 20 pts is some going, though they were helped by some downright stupid play-calling by Sean Payton - a reverse to a back-up WR on 4th down ... really? Jimmy Graham, running like he's carrying a piano on his back, still scored twice but the Jets harassed him all day and Chris Ivory was this week's "former player who comes to bite you in the arse? award winner. Rex Ryan's black sleeveless sweater game wearing streak extended to 9.

Titans 28 Rams 21
F**k you Chris Johnson. You haven't scored all year yet choose the week I'm playing against you to run wild. The Rams hung tough as they always seem to do, but this team seems mired in mediocrity at the moment, and try as Jeff Fisher might it just isn't happening this year. Tavon Austin's rookie year will be placed next to the word "Bust" in NFL Dictionaries. He's more Raghib Ismail than Percy Harvin at present; to be honest he's more Percy Thrower. Very quietly, which is probably the way he likes it (Sun readers voice - "Whaheyyy?) Jake Locker is becoming a serviceable NFL starting QB.

Chiefs 23 Bills 13
The Bills hung tough for a while but Jeff Tuel time lasted for 2 quarters only before the Chiefs Defense got a hold, scored twice and iced the game. The Chiefs effectively cashed in their last lay-up before they go in to the meat of their schedule, starting in Denver next week. The way they are playing defense you wouldn't bet against them either. As for the Bills, yet again they are playing out the string in winter.

Redskins 30 Chargers 24 (OT)
The Chargers had 3 shots from the 1 yard line to win this game in the final minute; they failed so for that alone the Skins deserved to win in OT. Whilst Keenan Allen looks a real find, Phillip Rivers still moves around back there like he's got a stone in his shoe and he's pissed his pants; my 91 year old aunt is quicker over 5 yards. The Skins running game came through big style here, and the way they churned up the yards doesn't bode well for the Chargers meeting with the Broncos this Sunday. Qualcomm may need a new scoreboard. Is it me or in OT coin tosses, does the visiting team always call tails? This needs investigation.

Eagles 49 Raiders 20
When you make Nick Foles and Riley Cooper look like hall of famers you know your defense is shit. Hats off to the Raiders, they managed this impossible dream; in shock news Darren Mcfadden pulled up lame - I swear clotted cream in the sunshine has more resiliency - and the Raiders got dry bummed in a game they were favoured in. No wonder that stadium always looks desolate, despite the utter fruit and nuts sitting in the end zone.

Seahawks 27 Buccaneers 24 (OT)
Shock, amusement, and sudden unexpected hope gave way to anxiety, pain, resignation and inevitability. The Bucs have Schiano as a head coach, who is 1-14 of late. That's all you need to know. Mike Glennon played bravely, the Defense collapsed late, we lost (again), nuff said.

Browns 24 Ravens 18
The Ravens SB defense is up there with the Bucs in 2003. When Davone Bess scores twice on you - hands up if you'd forgotten he was still an active player (raises hand) - you know it isn't going to be your year. And as for you Joe Flacco, try throwing the ball to Torrey Smith in the end zone at least once every 5 games you shitbag. Bollocks. The Browns beat the Ravens for the first time since Clinton was in office, in a game that meant everything if you live in North Eastern Ohio, and zilch to the rest of us. John Harbaugh was that narked he seemed to spend the entire 4th quarter with his arms folded looking pissed off - Tom Coughlin will try to beat this and do it for 4 quarters this sunday.

Patriots 55 Steelers 31
A game for fantasy enthusiasts to love, as both completely abandoned all hope of Defense and just played basketball with each other, as even Jerrico Cotchery scored 3 times in this game - that's how nutty it was. That Steeler Defense is so old these days it should play in black and white. The only person Troy Polamalu scares these days is the hairdresser when he walks into the salon. Tom Brady was due a breakout game and here it was. The Patriots remain a tough out at home, as they have been for the past 12 years.

Colts 27 Texans 24
Scary scenes here as Gary Kubiak collapsed at half-time and we wish the Texans head coach well. There's no doubt this affected his team who blew the big lead here that they had build up to that point; TY Hilton camped out in the Texans end zone in the 4th quarter, but what the hell has happened to Trent Richardson this season? He's making Donald Brown look good. Replacing Matt Schaub with a 71 year old American DJ has given the Texans a spark back there, and Casey Kasem concentrated on getting the ball to the Texans best offensive player; it's not rocket science in Houston. Do you see what I did there?

Bears 27 Packers 20
Oh woe is them Packers. If there's one team completely dependent on 1 player, this is it. The Packers may have a great Receiving core, but if Sir Aaron is laid up a QB like Seneca Wallace is a bigger drop-off than inviting Miss World to your party and Sue Pollard shows up instead. The Bears took advantage of the gift that was offered them here, to tally up a key divisional win, and with Rodgers out 3-4 weeks they can make hay whilst the sun shines in the NFC North. A key battle with the Lions lies ahead.

FFL Week 10 Preview

Morning Woodsmen (4-5) vs Cosmic Clap (5-4)
Must-win game in the first leg of the Manchester Cup on the fringes of the play-off race as Rivalry week kicks in. Adam is buoyed by the return of all his Broncos and they are rolled out here in a dream match-up with the leaky Charger defense. Antonio Brown, Danny Woodhead and Marshawn Lynch also underpin his attack, given a favourable 12 point start by Blair bloody Walsh (tm) last night. The Clap are forced to roll out Andy Dalton on a weekly basis these days, and will seek big scores from Matt Forte and Keenan Allen, and any scores from the likes of Pierre Thomas, Torrey Smith and Larry Fitzgerald who all probably couldn't locate the end zone if you pointed them to it on a map. With 3 players in the Bears v Lions game, and a combined 5 on San Diego v Denver, those 2 clashes will be pivotal to this match-up.

Welsh Dragons (5-4) vs Dead Zombies (6-3)
An absolute cracker here for the Jack Daniels Bowl opener with both sides right in the thick of the play-off chase. Tim's 4 game win streak has vaulted him back into the chase and makes him the hottest team in the FFL right now. He welcomes back Colin Kaepernick off the bye, and looks to Eddy Lacy, AJ Green and Lance Moore as his likely main men here. The Wizard is still smarting from his loss last week, but has his Lions back to call on this time out. Though Andrew Luck gets the nod at QB, Megatron and Reggie Bush come straight back in to support Dez Bryant, Vincent Jackson and Vernon Davis in a loaded line-up for which Alfred Morris has him on the board already. A high scoring game probably suits Simon given the array of weapons he has.

Punting Idiots (5-4) vs Dislocated Knee Joints (3-6)
Clive is right in the mix for a play-off spot and Chris Johnson's rise from his slumber has come at the right time. RG3 has him off to an 18 point start, and his Jackson twins - Fred and Desean, not Jermain and Latoya - alongside Victor Cruz will be his key men. Gareth too is off and running thanks to Pierre Garcon, and he will be looking to the likes of Russell Wilson, and the unlikely rejuvenated duo of Frank Gore and Knowshon Moreno to come up big for him here. Both teams have decent Defensive units to play here, which could go a long way to deciding who comes out on top in a tight looking tilt too difficult to call.

Dodgy Athletics (3-6) vs Tractor Boys (3-6)
Locked in a tense 0-0 tie after the Thursday night game, these two old school rivals will hurl insults and small animals at each other in a renewal of hostilities this weekend. Martin's team is cooler than a penguin's pisser losing 5 straight and he desperately seeks a halt to that slide, looking to Ben Roethlisberger, Darren Sproles, TY Hilton and Erick Decker in what again looks a powerful line-up, despite Sir Aaron sitting out. Tractor Boy's new toy, RB Mike James, helped him seal the win last week and he again is named to start alongside the returning James Jones and Steven Jackson. Terrelle Pryor has thankfully been passed fit to go into battle for his FFL franchise, whilst even a gimpy Jimmy Graham could again prove the key figure in the scoring chart for this one.

Malicious Penguins (6-3) vs Funky Furbys (5-4)
Another belter here for the Spurs "AVB is a Genius" Egg Cup. The Penguins remain handily placed & though shorn of Jamaal Charles this time out, they look to NFL record breaker Nick Foles to replicate last week - there's more chance of platting fog - and Lesean Mccoy as their Eagle stalwarts. Alshon Jeffery and Garrett Hartley also look like fair scoring chances. Steve is off to a 9 point lead courtesy of Jordan Reed, and is able to call on Drew Brees - the best fantasy player in this match-up - CJ Spiller and Brandon Marshall. If ever a player was due, then Ray Rice is that man but will this week be the one the little fella wakes up from his fantasy slumber?

Outstanding Warrants (2-7) vs Shy Teds (7-2)
Father against son, top against bottom, it's all here in Maw Bowl I and there is nothing the underdog son would like more than to stick a spanner in the old man's victory parade wheels. Some ex-players aplenty going against each other here, with Wayne throwing Joique Bell and Hakeem Nicks out there, supported by old man Rivers and Marvin Jones. Ian, off to a nice 15 point start thanks to AP, meanwhile calls on Andre Johnson and Zac Stacy to do in their old team. Backed by the likes of Tony Romo, Jordy Nelson and Wes Welker the Teds have favourite status but as ever, when has favouritism ever counted in fantasy football? Should be a lively evening in West Yorkshire.