The Mid-Way point is almost upon us & the contenders, pretenders and the Bucs are separating themselves from each other. Indeed on most days it seems 30 teams are heading in one direction, and the Bucs and the Jags are actually reversing the other way - that's as poor as they are. Thank god they aren't meeting at all as my money would be on the Jags anyway.

Time for the rundown now which again hasn't highlighted any negative feedback from our lone reader up in the North-East - "Hello Doris" - so without further ado lets roll the tape, Kathryn - the envelopes please....

Carolina 31 Tampa Bay 13
Bollocks. Galloping Knob Rot and a fart in the Bucs general direction.

Detroit 31 Dallas 30
Whale of a game with Megatron having a season within 4 quarters, and Matt Stafford reviving the ghost if Dan Marino with the fake "clock play" thus fooling the Cowboy Defense and his own lineman. I bet Jerry Jones was a right laugh after this and he would have looked glum if his last facelift hadn't rendered his face motionless. Though talented Dez Bryant is the prototype for the modern day diva WR in the NFL. Great game and the good guys won too, i.e. not The Cowboys. The Lions offense may just be fantasy gold this season.

Kansas City 23 Cleveland 17
The Chiefs Defense must have known Id just traded for them as they'd piled up the fantasy pts all season until this one, and yet decided to make Jason Campbell look like Ken bloody Stabler. Josh Gordon remains arguably the most underrated WR in the NFL, though his deficit of brain cells may yet hinder him. A tighter game that could be expected, making Andy Reid break his own NFL record for scratches of his moustache in a 4th Quarter. Alex Smith's penchant for throwing the ball no more than 6 feet, has rendered Dwayne Bowe the most useless deep threat since the Paper Submarine.

New England 27 Miami 17
The Dolphins were up by 2 TDs in the 2nd half, and then remembered they were the Dolphins, playing in Foxboro, so duly gifted the game back in the time honoured fashion. Tom Brady looks mortal this year - maybe it's because Gronk aside he doesn't have a Receiver worth a fart - whilst the Pats use of Legarrette Blount ahead of Stevan Ridley warrants a Miss Marple investigation. This game featured a TD reception by Daniel Thomas! Now there's a sentence I'll never get to write again, ever.

Saints 35 Bills 17
Nearly 400 yards of offense, 5 TDs but absolutely nothing for the Saint player I started. Arseholes. Thad Lewis again got the shite smacked out of him as the Saints Def played Xylophone on his rib cage, but still he got up every time; that kid is tougher than a $3 steak. Jimmy Graham meanwhile, walking like a pissed Charlie Chaplin with his foot injury, still hobbled in for 2 TD's to prove he may be super human and the Bills couldn't cover my grandma. Kudos to the two guys in the stands dressed as Sean Payton and Rob Ryan; colour me impressed.

Giants 15 Eagles 7
Now here was I thinking Chip Kelly had reinvented offensive football and was going to change the game. What he is doing is making one of the top 5 offensive players in football, Lesean Mccoy, a non factor. This game was the best cure for insomnia the NFL has to offer, with the lone TD fittingly being on special teams from a bad snap then went 15 yards over the Punters head. At least Eli Manning didn't turn the ball over, a rarity this year. Thankfully the Giants 2 game winning streak has taken them well out of the Bucs range in the battle for top draft pick status.

San Francisco 42 Jacksonville 7
Well worth the £80 plus quid average ticket price. Not. The Jags may yet destroy NFL fandom in the UK after their 3 year stint at Wembley. When your best performer is a mascot who bungee jumps from the roof, it says all it can about you. The Niners simply beat up on the crap in front of them, likely in 2nd gear, and moved on to their bye week. The Jags, like the Bucs, look solid bets for 0-16. It may yet get worse, especially of Blaine Gabbert gets called back in.

Bengals 49 Jets 9
Bad Geno. Bad bad Geno. The coin came down the wrong way and the Jets rookie QB looked every bit the Rabbit trapped in the headlights. Whisper it quietly but the Bengals have some weapons on offense and a defense that on its day, can get after you. This was Marvin Jones career day and remember his name from this as it will likely be a trivia question in the future. The other question this game raised is whether Rex Ryan will wear that same Black Tank sleeveless sweater at every game, whatever the climate? He's on pace at the half-way stage.

Oakland 21 Pittsburgh 18
Kudos to Terrelle Pryor who's made the Raiders interesting and together with a returning Darren Mcfadden, they had too much for the aging Steelers here. Don't let the score fool you, the game wasn't this good! Le'veon Bell shows some pop but that Steeler O Line simply makes sustained success impossible, whilst their Defense is basically an old folks home fortified only by the old temporary young helper cleaning up the trash.

Denver 45 Redskins 21
The Redskins tried to play shoot-out with the best shoot-out team in the land. A predictable outcome ensued, though for 3 quarters they kept it mildly interesting. Three interceptions including a pick 6 for Peyton, though DRC returned the favour late on for the Broncos. Most notable thing about this game was the shuddering hit RG3 took but thankfully got up from. I still can't see this wiry kid lasting a long time in the NFL with the hits he takes - hope I'm wrong.

Arizona 27 Atlanta 13
The Falcons season has gone shit-shaped, and thankfully taken Mike Smith's smug grin with it. Sans his top 2 WRs Matt Ryan looks ... well ... pretty crap really, and continued the nightmare games he's always had at this place. Andre Ellington announced his arrival on the NFL stage in this one with a highlight reel 80 yard TD run, but the Cards will continue to be hamstrung until they find a long term answer at QB. Carson Palmer remains an immobile, noodle armed, scattershot machine back there who looks like he's one decent hit away from the NFL Network studio.

Green Bay 44 Minnesota 31
Shoot-out City with again, the team with the better QB winning such a game. Aaron Rodgers paid the Vikes back for the key loss he suffered here last year, and even without 2 starting WR and their starting TE, the Pack offense just rolls on. The Vikings had some highlight reel plays but were never that close here, and their season is basically playing out the string from here on in. Thankfully their 1 win may also have them out of the Bucs range. That 2000 yard season AP had last year looks a million miles away.

Seattle 14 Rams 9
A bizarre game which the Rams would have won if they'd had anything better than a parrot on a stick at QB, but sadly that's what Kellen Clemens represents at this level. The Ram defense played like their pants were on fire, though they gave one sole long TD to Golden Tate who revealed himself as a complete tool with his taunting whilst running in. Such behaviour should be a 1 game ban Mr Goodell. Seattle on the road is a very different animal to Seattle at home.

That's week 8 in a nutshell folks, enjoy the games this weekend and may your lumbering TE vulture a TD, your Defense pick up that fumble and your RBs catch those swing passes. Good luck to all, except Clive who's playing me.

FFL WEEK 9 PREVIEW

Punting Idiots (4-4) vs Cosmic Clap (5-3)
A great start for the Idiots with their defense racking up 17 points last night and establishing a healthy lead with the Clap having burned their QB. With RG3 set to roll, Ryan Matthews and Fred Jackson rejuvenated and Desean Jackson back from injury they will back themselves in this one which is a must win to stop the Clap advancing on them (ohh err missus). With the powers of their Andy Dalton voodoo doll finally exhausted the Clap need some bizarre things to happen to win here - receiving TD's from their RB's, a daft day by a WR, or maybe the Chiefs Defense turning up which they didn't last week. The Clap do field 3 players on MNF so will likely be facing a large deficit by then.

Shy Teds (6-2) vs Dead Zombies (6-2)
Top against 2nd in the FFL Game of the week. Giovani Bernard got Ian off to the hot start last night with 15 very welcome points. Tony Romo again gets the call at QB, with AP, Jordy Nelson and Andre Johnson looking his key figures with Wes Welker on a bye week. The Oakland defense, at home to the turnover machine that is Nick Foles, may also have a part to play in this one. The Wizard is shorn of his Lion cubs this time out so will be under-manned. He readjusts rolling out Andrew Luck as his triggerman whilst Dez Bryant becomes even more vital alongside both Redskin RBs and a V-Jax heavily reliant on some garbage time production over in Seattle. Looks a great match-up and a win here catapults the victor towards a play-off spot whilst dragging the loser back to the pack.

Dislocated Knee Joints (3-5) vs Malicious Penguins (5-3)
The Fire Sale Bowl, with both benefitting from their sales in the win column. Gareth is on a 2 game win streak - no really - and though we await his final selection you can guarantee Russell Wilson will be the key figure. Benjarvus Green-Trundler was not started last night, meaning with Moreno and Gore on byes Gareth will be going short-handed at RB this week. We await which WRs are shuffled from the pack to bolster his score. The (ex)Councillor starts Jason Campbell at QB - now there's a sentence you don't get to write in a fantasy football preview every day - and remains on course for the bizarrest play-off season since the last time he made the play-offs in 2008. In Jamaal Charles and Lesean Mccoy he has the top 2 RBs in fantasy football, and supported by Rob Gronkowski and Alshon Jeffery he looks the favourite here though when did favouritism ever count for anything in this game?

Welsh Dragons (4-4) vs Dodgy Athletics (3-5)
Tim is yet another who's found that a firesale ignites ones season. Riding the wave of a 3 game win streak he rolls into this one without his best player Colin Kaepernick who's bye week means Mike Glennon gets the start - good luck in Seattle Mike, you'll need it. AJ Green got Tim off and running last night but Daniel Thomas did what Daniel Thomas does - nothing - making his other RBs Eddy Lacy and Chris Ivory even more important for him. With this being a good time to catch Tim, maybe Martin is due some luck as it's been a rather bizarre season for him. Aaron Rodgers will aim to halt the Athletics 4 game losing slide in what is a must-win, and though Mike Wallace's slumber party in Miami continued last night, The Athletics still have major firepower in Josh Gordon, Darren Mcfadden and Darren Sproles. You get the feeling one week it will all click and a 150 point score will be the outcome - could this be the one?

Funky Furbys (4-4) vs Morning Woodsmen (4-4)
The Parity Bowl with the Furbys look coming in as they catch Adam on the Broncos bye week, rendering half his team as idle as Jim Royle. The Furbys are at all but full strength with Drew Brees, Ray Rice, Brandon Marshall, CJ Spiller and Steve Smith all locked and loaded, and thus ready to pile up the yards and points. Adam is forced to start Josh "Tears of" Mccown at QB - is this the bizarrest week for starting QBs in FFL history? - though the rest of his starters still look pretty decent; Marshawn Lynch, fuming at last week's under-useage, Antonio Brown and Danny Woodhead looking real scoring chances, though Jermain Gresham produced bollocks all last night. You could cut the tension in this must-win game for both with a butter knife.

Tractor Boys (2-5) vs Outstanding Warrants (2-5)
Game of the weak. Naturally in the same slate that we have top against second, our dual cellar dwellers go belly to belly to determine who has the early leg-up for the tie. Wayne's frustration with his roster means he has traded away or released most of it, and Tom Brady's performance dropping off a cliff has highlighted his dilemma. The Bengals Defense gave Wayne a 4-0 lead last night and that might just be enough to win this game (arf), though Brian Hartline and Marvin Jones provided typical 0's such has been The Warrants fortunes. This makes Brady or Philip Rivers even more pivotal, alongside Trent Richardson and Antonio Gates. Steve's Tractors remain stuck in the mud, though in Terrelle Pryor he may have some hope for the future. James Jones and Sidney Rice's injuries, mean Dwayne Bowe and Kendall Wright should get the call at WR, whilst a limping Jimmy Graham remains the team MVP - a bit like saying you are the sanest one in the nuthouse. Good luck Gents, this game could provide endless entertainment for the manic depressive in your life.