No more please Bucs, I'm not sure I can take it. This Thursday night game will be a real test of endurance but I'm "gonna do it anyway," as Lord Flashheart said to Captain Darling, before smashing his head into him. In our house this scene will no doubt be replayed, with the living room wall replacing Captain Darling's face by the 3rd quarter, as yet another dumb penalty by the Bucs sends me off to the padded cell.

Week 7 is in the books and brought more fun and frolics, some really gut punching injuries, along with the usual ineptitude from the Bucs. We know this Coaching staff are utterly hapless, and the GM is a dead man walking, but a special shout out to The Glazers who's last 2 coaching hires have been Raheem "cheerleader" Morris and Greg "Penalty Flag" Schiano; you wouldn't let either of those two look after your pet fish, let alone coach your football team. Its 11 years since we had a play-off win, and the stands are only filled when other team's supporters bother to turn up. Our franchise is a shambles, again, yet the owners get a free pass.

On to the rundown now of week 7. Our lone reader in Lancaster didn't send any abusive mail this past week, so it must have been a hit! Cue the drum roll and Kathryn! The envelopes please for the forthcoming recap ....

Seahawks 34 Cardinals 22 - Carson Palmer continues his descent below football's Mendoza line, with another beaut here. If only the Cardinals had a decent QB...and a running game... and a run defense, ahhh you get the point. Welcome back to Russell Wilson who remembered he's supposed to be a franchise QB, and in time for mid season. Marshawn Lynch remains the most brutal RB in football & the Seahawks the toughest of outs in January, especially if they get homefield.

Atlanta 31 Tampa Bay 23 - you don't mind if Julio Jones or Roddy White put offensive shows on you, but Harry Douglas and Jacquizz Rodgers? Dear god how bad can this get? Leeman Bennett at least managed two wins, but this coaching staff makes him and Richard Williamson look like Chuck Noll. More boneheaded penalties, and another loss to throw on the trash pile. Paging Teddy Bridgwater and Brian Billick - Vincent Jackson would very much like you both around in 2014. Doug Martin looks like he may escape the rest of this wreckage with a shoulder injury - the lucky bugger.

Bengals 27 Lions 24 - wild shoot-out game, appreciated especially by me as Andy Dalton bizarrely put together a silly stat game. Two great TD grabs by The Megatron with the second an absolutely ridiculous "are you f*****g kidding me" catch, but someone better whisper to the Lions that you have to play Defense if you want to get to the play-offs. Matt Stafford remains as consistent as cream cheese, whilst AJ Green just quietly rolls on. Imagine the hype he'd get if he played in NY?

Bills 23 Dolphins 21 - I tell you what, Thad Lewis may not be Johnny Unitas but boy is he tough. He took a hit in the first half so forceful he had to pay to get back in the stadium to play the next down. The Bills eke this one out due to Dolphin mistakes, as Ryan Tannehill played like he had a stone in his shoe and piss dripping down his leg. Dan Carpenter was this week's "ex player comes back to bite you in the arse" competition winner.

Jets 30 Patriots 27 - In Geno we trust - at least this week. Despite throwing the daftest pick 6 in NFL history, young Geno played a competent game whilst Lord Brady had a stinker. I don't care whether that FG penalty was legit or not, it came against the Pats so they must have been guilty. Gronk is back with an arm pad that makes him look like Robocop. He'll attract more coverage than Miley Cyrus's meltdown.

Cowboys 17 Eagles 3 - Nick Foles remembered he was Nick Foles and played like it. Maybe the concussion he suffered will actually improve his game, though the fact that the only 2 games he's played well in have come against the Buccaneers tells you all you need to know. The Cowboys won this one just by not beating themselves - a difficult thing for Tony Romo to do, but for once he managed it. Shock horror, Desean Jackson got dinged up and Matt Barkley looked like most USC QBs do when they get into an NFL game.

Redskins 45 Bears 41 - utterly brilliantly daft game, with RG3 sparking to life, Roy Helu making Alfred Morris owners puke, and the Bears losing Jay Cutler and so probably their season with it. Josh "Tears of" Mccown did a serviceable job here, mainly using Matt Forte, but the pick 6 by Brian Orakpo proved the key score. Meanwhile Jordan Reed became the hottest waiver wire candidate since fantasy time began - get your claims in now people!

Panthers 30 Rams 15 - a proper feisty shitfight. Speaking of shits, Steve Smith threatened to punch Rams CB Janoris Jenkins in the mouth afterwards, stretching Smith's NFL record number of opposing nfl players "threatened" up to 246 - America's very own Craig Bellamy if ever I saw him. The Twits can play defense this year sadly, and in Cam Newton have a QB growing wiser by the week. Sam Bradford's torn ACL puts the tin hat on his last 3 years with the Rams, whilst Tavon Austin's 6 yards per reception isn't exactly what Jeff Fisher had in mind when drafting what he thought was a deep threat. At the moment Austin couldn't even stretch my back garden.

Chargers 24 Jaguars 6 - The Jaguars are utter shit, and poor you if you've paid good money to watch the 49ers dump on them this Sunday. They will get to November this season without scoring a touchdown in their home stadium - surely an NFL futility best? The Chargers simply went through the motions, though sadly none of these aforementioned motions involved a TD throw to Keenan Allen. The Rivers renaissance goes on - thankfully Phillip, and not Joan.

49ers 31 Titans 17 - by the time the Titans woke up in this one, the game had gone and you know it's not your day when aged Frank Gore rumbles all over you. Chris Johnson scored a highlight reel TD, and Jake Locker showed some guts in playing through his injury, but the Titan Defense couldn't keep out the Niners. Colin Kaepernick has cottoned on that he doesn't need to win the game by himself when he has a defense this tough. Jim Harbaugh broke his previous NFL record for the number of gurns and facial gestures in a quarter of play.

Packers 31 Browns 13 - a scary injury to Jermichael Finley but thankfully he seems to be OK. The Packers will be down to the ghosts of Sterling Sharpe and Phillip Epps split wide, if their Receiver injuries continue. They could have sealed this one with those two in uniform to be honest. Speaking of uniforms, please get rid of those Packer throwback monstrosities, they are fookin puke. Brandon Weeden meanwhile is to sophomore years, what Alan Carr is to Rugby scrummaging. Imagine how poor they'd be without Jordan Cameron and Josh Gordon who likely both want a trade out - they may yet get their wish, or even wish they had Alan Carr at QB.

Chiefs 17 Texans 16 - a hard day for the Texans who rallied strongly behind 81 year old DJ Casey Kasem, overcame injuries to Arien Foster, Ben Tate and sadly Brian Cushing (again), and hung tough. The Chiefs though are tougher to advance on than a North Korean border patrol unit, and in Alex Smith have a game manager who holds on to the ball like it owes him money. Jamaal Charles has quietly scored every week making his fantasy owners happier than Andros Townsend's agent.

Steelers 19 Ravens 16 - always entertaining watching these two smack the crap out of each other, and a FG battle broken up by 1 TD each was always on the cards. The Steelers came out alive to remain barely breathing in the division race on a cold, windy afternoon at Heinz Field which it always is, even in July. Why do they have that open end by the way - is it to make the stadium bloody freezing, or did they run out of money on the construction side of things? Ben Roethlisberger continues to stand in despite his life being under threat on every play, behind those 5 immobile turnstiles in front of him.

Colts 39 Broncos 33 - the Apprentice beats the maestro and kudos to Andrew Luck for not getting caught up in any of the hoopla prior to this titanic tilt. A whale of a game, with the Colts getting some pressure in the old man's face, forcing a pivotal safety, 4 sacks and an int; have said it before, will say it again, you have to get physical and in Peyton's face to beat this team. The Colts did and won because of it. Horrible injury to Reggie "stately Wayne Manor," gutted for him. If that is a career, it was a great one.

NY Giants 32 Vikings 7 - well that was a great game for the clinically insane the world over. Josh proved he still couldn't hit a barn door from 5 yards with an exocet, whilst Peyton Hillis who simply can't run, still managed a TD. Adrian Peterson's use, or lack thereof, was borderline criminal by the Vikings coaching staff but thankfully a Giants win puts them behind the Bucs and Jags in The Teddy Bridgwater sweepstakes. Hakeem Nicks meanwhile displayed the worst hands this side of Greg Little, who was affectionately described as The Megatron of dropped passes this past week. Replays of this game should be played to prisoners in solitary, as additional punishment.

That's week 7 in a nutshell Gents, good luck this weekend as the worst bye since Ferguson paid £7m for Bebe, is upon us.


FFL WEEK 8 PREVIEW

Cosmic Clap (4-3) vs Funky Furbys (4-3)
A tough match-up to start the slate, with both teams in the play-off spots logjam, and both hurt greatly by this week's murderous bye. The Clap are shorn of their top RB, top 2 WR's and top TE - if you can call the TE position relevant. Of those remaining whoever starts at QB, alongside Larry Fitzgerald's and the Kicker and Defense look like the only potential sources of points in what looks a feeble line-up. The Furbys are also without Ray Rice, Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler, but in Drew Brees and CJ Spiller have by far the best 2 players on the field so will be favourites here. Harry Douglas and newly picked up Jordan Reed also add to Steve's Arsen... sorry, ranks.

Morning Woodsmen (4-3) vs Dead Zombies (5-2))
Adam's Bronco maniacs roll on, and all three principles will again roll out here which is as predictable as a Kerry Katona "Im in Love" puff piece in a trashy gossip mag. Unscathed by the bye he will also turn to Stevan Ridley and Marshawn Lynch to add to his score this week in this possible play-off preview. The Wizard has been the king of the trade this past month, and though he broke his brand new Reggie Wayne, this week's new pick-up is Thad Lewis to the all-star team. Shorn of his Colts by the bye and a fuct up knee, Simon turns to his Lions instead with Matt Stafford, Sir Reginald (of Bush) and Megatron all locked and loaded into a shoot-out game at home. With Alfred Morris, Dez Bryant and Vernon Davis also in favourable match-ups, this should be the highest scoring game of the week.

Dodgy Athletics (3-4) vs Dislocated Knee Joints (2-5)
A must-win for Martin to keep pace with the play-off spots, and save for TY Hilton he too escapes relatively unscathed from the 6 absent teams this week. His big score threats looks to be from Sir Aaron, Darren Sproles, Josh Gordon and Eric Decker. Gareth could argues his teams been absent for a lot of this year but there's nothing like a fire sale to spark off a win, as it proved last time out. Amidst the chaos, Russell Wilson, Frank Gore and Knowson Moreno have emerged as his key players and all are rolled out this week alongside Pierre Garcon who has hasn't started a fight for a week or two, so look for him to be particularly ornery this Sunday - that's Pierre, not Gareth.

Outstanding Warrants (2-5) vs Malicious Penguins (4-3)
Poirot has been brought in as one of his final acts, to try to establish what has happened to Wayne's team which looks a title winner on paper. Sadly the big names haven't come to the party so far for him - indeed half of them don't seem to know there is a bloody party itself by the looks of things. Tom Brady gets the call this time and owes his owner some points, but elsewhere the bye looks to have caught the Warrants in the worst way with Rivers, Foster, Richardson, Tate and Johnson all joining the crocked Percy Harvin on the Judi Dench this weekend - good luck Wayne and Mr Brady, you never know in this daft game. Will The Penguins take advantage? Can any team with Jason Campbell at QB? Thankfully for Richard, with Jamaal Charles and Lesean Mccoy at RB, and Gronk returning he is primed to make an impression on the scoreboard. Richard himself doesn't do impressions, his passion is in advertising (apologies for that gag).

Punting Idiots (4-3) vs Welsh Dragons (3-4)
Clive has quietly gone about his business this season, and finds himself right in the reckoning at the half-way stage. RG3 appears to be waking from his slumber, and aside from Ryan Mathews who also appears to have twitched on the slab, the bye isn't too punishing this time out. Chris Johnson, Victor Cruz and perhaps some major garbage time production for Justin Blackmon at Wembley, ie from the 2nd quarter onwards, looks like paying the most dividends. Tim has re-shuffled some of his squad, sworn at some others, and kicked out a few as well. Thankfully Colin Kaepernick's cupcake Wembley game is likely to lead to a hefty score, and with Eddy Lacy back fit and the Packers shorn of Receivers, this looks a promising week. AJ Green remains the best NFL receiver no-one shouts about, but will no doubt be a Dragons staple for many years.

Tractor Boys (2-5) vs Shy Teds (5-2)
A classic top versus bottom clash, but can David upset Goliath? Matt Schaub's usual collapse to shit has again hamstrung our monster mover on the dance floor, so Terrelle Pryor looks like the new Sheriff in town. Steven Jackson's likely return also can't come quick enough, whilst newly acquired Buc Mike James supports Dwayne Bowe in the quest for points; Jimmy Graham's injury meanwhile is about as welcome as Ferguson over at Keane's gaff. The Teds were pegged back a little last week, but the bye is kind to them with none of their top players absent. The feeling here is that Tony Romo may get the call this time, supported by AP, Jordy Nelson and Wes Welker amongst his all-star roster which looks to have as good a chance as any at carrying off the Lombardi replica come Xmas time. When everyone's fit and the byes have passed, this looks a loaded line-up.