Trades, Waivers and Week 7 Madness
A Few Things I Think
1. 5 down, 11 to go for the Bucs, but probably another 9 losses should do it and seal Bridgewater or Mariota, and thankfully the demise of these buffoons calling the plays.
2. This week I have acquired only my second Carolina player ever, and traded away the best RB in fantasy football. I think my medication needs upping.
3. In 10 years time Kenbrell Tomkins will be a trivia question and that winning catch last Sunday will be his signature moment.
4. Still no pressure on Peyton, so still the points keep piling up.
5. The Bucs "Staff Infection? gag needs to be passed to Jimmy Tarbuck, where all old jokes go to die.
6. Good to see England qualify for the World Cup, and with a semi competent performance as well. Let the tabloid dismantling of them now commence ? oh, it's started already.
7. Enjoyed the brief Spanish commentary of the Ravens v Pak game on NFL Red Zone; they should make one game entirely broadcast in Spanish each week, as part of the NFL's free education programme. I now know the Spanish for Eddy Lacy is "Eeeeeedie Layyyceee?
8. Kenny Britt ? NFL hide and seek champion, 2013!
9. I hate international football breaks. They only ever to remind you how much more you care about your own team, than the national one.
10. Soothsayer dept (2 weeks ago 7-6 , season 37-21) ? naff. Why do I bother? This weeks entrants to the Green Room are Dirty Birds, Lions, Fish, Cheats, Cowgirls, Muppets, Twits, Chargers, Faulty Whiners, Cheese, KC Wolf, Ravens, Whiskeys and G Men.
Week 6 this year brought some great football, some major talking points and some big injuries all thrown in to the melting pot, in another hectic few days of mayhem. Rather than pontificate on the merits of the major issue, this week and henceforth the Blog will provide a brief synopsis of the previous week; a sort of no nonsense, stuff you need to know and maybe a comment on stuff you don't, rundown. I conducted a brief poll with my imaginary friend, and he was all for this so blame him. Drum roll maestro, and Kathryn ? the envelopes please ......!1. 5 down, 11 to go for the Bucs, but probably another 9 losses should do it and seal Bridgewater or Mariota, and thankfully the demise of these buffoons calling the plays.
2. This week I have acquired only my second Carolina player ever, and traded away the best RB in fantasy football. I think my medication needs upping.
3. In 10 years time Kenbrell Tomkins will be a trivia question and that winning catch last Sunday will be his signature moment.
4. Still no pressure on Peyton, so still the points keep piling up.
5. The Bucs "Staff Infection? gag needs to be passed to Jimmy Tarbuck, where all old jokes go to die.
6. Good to see England qualify for the World Cup, and with a semi competent performance as well. Let the tabloid dismantling of them now commence ? oh, it's started already.
7. Enjoyed the brief Spanish commentary of the Ravens v Pak game on NFL Red Zone; they should make one game entirely broadcast in Spanish each week, as part of the NFL's free education programme. I now know the Spanish for Eddy Lacy is "Eeeeeedie Layyyceee?
8. Kenny Britt ? NFL hide and seek champion, 2013!
9. I hate international football breaks. They only ever to remind you how much more you care about your own team, than the national one.
10. Soothsayer dept (2 weeks ago 7-6 , season 37-21) ? naff. Why do I bother? This weeks entrants to the Green Room are Dirty Birds, Lions, Fish, Cheats, Cowgirls, Muppets, Twits, Chargers, Faulty Whiners, Cheese, KC Wolf, Ravens, Whiskeys and G Men.
Bears 27 Giants 21 ? the Giants have gone to shit & Eli can't hit the ocean from a boat; Brandon Jacobs had a big game just to spite me, & the Bears actually look efficient on offence. Give it a few weeks & that will change when Jay Cutler spies the play-offs ahoy.
Bengals 27 Bills 24(OT) ? Bills rallied to OT by a QB no-ones ever heard of, and who bounces around like a 7 year old on skittles; Bengals try to throw the game away, but are unsuccessful; Dalton remembers to throw the ball to AJ Green ... a lot.
Lions 31 ? Browns 17 ? Lions get 3 TD's from a TE no-one's ever heard of, or clearly pays any attention to. The Browns threaten briefly to become interesting, then normality prevails. Brandon Weeden makes the Cleveland fans experience an emotion none of them thought ever possible - pining for Seneca Wallace.
Chiefs 24 Raiders 7 ? Chiefs continue to win with that dynamic combo of playing defense and not beating themselves, by featuring a good RB and a QB who never throws the ball more than 4 feet in distance. Raiders Terrelle Pryor's superpowers of weeks past, are now wearing thinner than posh spice's leggings; their deal with the devil must now be almost concluded.
Panthers 35 Vikings 10 ? Vikings showcase the old Jaguars tactic of trying to win without a decent QB ? it fails again. Cam Newton remembers he's actually quite good and shows it, whilst the Twits defense shuts down an AP playing with a heavy heart. Thankfully that bloody awful Vikings fight song isn't heard very often.
Steelers 19 Jets 6 ? Steelers are subpar, but the Jets suck the sweat from a dead man's balls. Bad Geno shows up, and even manages to make the Steelers bus pass brigade on Defense, look good. NY Media goes from "Geno for president? mode, to full on "burn him at the stake? status. Rex Ryan gurns, guarantees nothing and points at Eli Manning to make himself feel better.
Eagles 31 Bucs 20 ? The Bucs finally put up 20 points but manage to collapse on Defense at the same time as they find some offense, thus creating their own see-saw of shite play. Doug Martin continues his "Michael Clayton tribute? sophomore season, whilst Greg Schiano morphs into Leeman Bennett with every passing hour. The Eagles win a game they couldn't have lost, even if they'd tried to.
Packers 19 Ravens 17 ? Green Bay wins the game by nailing 1 long bomb to their remaining fit WR. The Ravens huff, puff, snap and break but don't prevail. Joe Flacco's star continues to wane. Somewhere Anquan Boldin laughed.
Rams 38 Texans 13 ? the Texans, another team trying to win in the NFL without a competent QB, get arse rattled in their own living room. Sam Bradford is as easy to figure out as quantum physics, whilst Gary Kubiak continues the world's longest known continuous run on a hot seat.
Broncos 35 Jaguars 19 ? Broncos play like shit, Jags play their hearts out .... and the Broncos still win by 3 scores, thus highlighting the talent imbalance. Peyton throws an INT, and Justin Blackmon has a worldy game. Neither of those last 2 statements make sense.
Seahawks 20 Titans 13 ? The Titans make a great show of it, but unless the Seahawks turn up pissed or hire Greg Schiano, they are unlikely to lose in that temple of doom they call home. Ryan Fitzpatrick makes the Seahawks defence laugh a few times with his antics, but lulling them in to a false sense of security fails to work. Pete Carroll breaks his own personal best for number of pats on the back in a game.
Patriots 30 Saints 27 ? Saints have the game won, then win it again, then lose it in the dying seconds, making Rob Ryan look like someone's pissed in his shoes. Brady gets 3 chances at the 2 minute drill, all within the final 2 minutes; he aces the last one. The Saints offence loses them this game. Fact.
49ers 32 Cardinals 20 ? The Niners are waking up and playing some defence at last, but Kaepernick still looks flaky this year ? must be the additional tats. Jim Harbaugh remains the NFL's tub-thumping champion. The Cards hang tough, but Carson Palmer looks noodle armed these days. 73 year old RB Frank Gore carries his zimmer and the ball for over 100 yards to kill the clock, and offensive football.
Cowboys 31 Redskins 16 ? Romo wins a game though the TV cameramen still want a 50-50 split of airtime between him and his new Barbie doll wife. RG3 looks a poster child for how long it really takes to recover from knee reconstruction. Demarco Murray comes up lame ? stop me if you've heard that before.
Chargers 19 Colts 9 ? Phillip "Lazarus? Rivers continues the unlikeliest comeback since Sheryl Cole overcame a conviction for assaulting a lavatory attendant, to stand by the Queen at the Jubilee, all
within an 8 year span. Andrew Luck and the Colts have a mare, but are undone by a rookie WR and a surprisingly resilient San Diego defense. Trent Richardson has us wondering what all the fuss was about.
That's week 6 in a nutshell, good luck this Sunday Gents ? may your vultures find the end zone, your QB's run one in, and your wide-outs find single coverage all day long.
FFL Week 7 Preview
Shy Teds (5-1) vs Cosmic Clap (3-3)
The Teds lead the way in the FFL and will look to pile on more misery for the Clap behind a resurgent Cam Newton, a newly acquired AP, and the continued End Zone squatting of Wes Welker (Ed's note - Bizarre?). Demarco Murray's injury inconvenience is easily covered by Giovanni Bernard. The Clap are now in the post-Mccoy era, and will field a Panther for only the 5th time ever in their starting line-up. They will look to new find Keenan Allen to come to the party, and Torrey Smith to wake the f**k up after last week's horror show. The TE position still haunts the Clap on so many levels; Martellus Bennett will take over as this week's let-down.
Dead Zombies (4-2) vs Outstanding Warrants (2-4)
It's all in for The Wizard this season, with Eli Manning, Vincent Jackson and Reggie Wayne all added to the ranks this past week, and the latter 2 are plunged straight in to the fire in this one. The Seattle Defense got the Zombos off to a good start last night, and Andrew Luck surely can't lay another egg this time out? Wayne's luck once again appears to have deserted him, catching the Zombies the week after they've loaded up. He chooses Phillip Rivers over Tom Brady ? barely plausible a month ago but perfectly logical now. Arien Foster and Trent Richardson have underwhelmed, and owe their owner a decent showing or two.
Tractor Boys (2-4) vs Dislocated Knee Joints (1-5)
Game of the week for all the manic depressives out there as two of the current cellar dwellers do battle in a first to 60 points clash. Gareth, as is the way when you fire-sale, has 43 points up already thanks to Russell Wilson and Jay Feely's career game. He will seek more from main men left standing Pierre Garcon, Frank Gore and Knowshon Moreno who seems to have won the RB lottery in Denver. The Tractors must surely cut the chord with Matt Schaub soon, and they turn to the Chiefs Alex Smith to lead them this week, whilst newly acquired Joseph Randle and Willis Mcgahee look to add to the start Sidney Rice gave them last night.
Morning Woodsmen (3-3) vs Dodgy Athletics (3-3)
Adam has added to his arsenal this week paying a moderate price for a number 1 Receiver, and Antonio Brown makes his debut here. As ever the Denver offense triplets, Manning the elder, Demaryius and Julius ? sounds like a shite Channel 4 Documentary ? will likely determine the outcome, so a pinball show in Indianapolis is preferred. Martin meanwhile, though disturbed slightly by injuries to Sir Aaron's receiving core, will start the Green Bay triggerman with confidence, alongside Josh Gordon, T Y Hilton and Eric Decker, whom he hopes Peyton will throw to in the end zone, thus cancelling out any Adam points bonanza. Upcoming Steeler RB Le'veon Bell may also have a key say in the outcome of this one.
Funky Furbys (4-2) vs Punting Idiots (3-3)
Another good match-up as we move towards the half-way stage, with the Furbys on a roll at present. Rashard Mendenhall has them on the board, but sadly ? pause for silence ? this is the Saints bye week so Jay Cutler is baaaack babyyy! I bet I'm more excited than Steve is. Brandon Marshall, Ray Rice and BP, sorry CJ, Spiller need to compensate for the hole at QB. The Idiots are a proper schizophrenic team, capable of putting up 130 or 30 in any week. RG3, CJ2K and Desean Jackson are the perfect definition of fantasy feast or famine, but when they do gorge at the table, the Idiots reap the benefits. Will this be their week at the buffet? How many more food analogies can I come up with? Time to end this now before .......
Welsh Dragons (2-4) vs Malicious Penguins (3-3)
Tim is fire-sailing, Richard is fire-saleing then buying again, what would Rod Stewart make of it all?
The Dragons go in without their beloved AP, but still buoyed by the likes of heavy hitters Colin Kaepernick, AJ Green and Eddy Lacy. Sadly for them, as has proved many times, reliance on the Bucs offense has proved a busted flush and Doug Martin has been backed up more often than Elvis Presley's colon. The Penguins will be playing with their shiny new Lesean, and Nick Foles sudden ascension to starting status in a pinball offense makes them a threat in any match-up; a threat to do what, god only knows but they are a threat for something anyway! The considerable talents of Jamaal Charles and Alshon Jeffrey will be on display for them, whilst the somewhat dubious ones of Jermichael Finley will balance it out ? with all those Receiver injuries in Green Bay, is Finley false dawn number 47 now upon us?
-- Lee (18th October 2013)
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